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spoken up for herself and she felt powerful, strong and confident, all the things she d always wanted to be,
but hadn t been able to draw out of herself. And apparently Bryan liked her that way. He really wanted her
to air her feelings and respected them.
It was a good feeling, to beat her wings and find out they were strong enough to lift her and hold her
aloft.
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Butterfly Unpinned
Sylvia held the shoebox with the dead baby rabbit and watched Bryan s shoulders bunch as he worked
the shovelhead into the rocky, red earth. It was hard digging, and he stopped to mop off the sweat and
exchanged a look with her.
 Guess we should ve waited until evening when it s cooler. He glanced at the box.  On the other
hand, I don t know how much longer the poor bunny could ve held up in this heat.
She grimaced.  Don t.
 Sorry, but that s life, sweetheart. Things are born then they die and decompose. You can t argue with
nature.
 I know. The rabbit s death had made her think of the ephemeral nature of life. It was certainly too
short to waste. She would ve regretted the time she d spent with Gary, except that it had led her to Bryan.
And she did regret all the years she d been estranged from her parents. Watching Bryan and Janice attempt
to heal their rift reminded her it was past time for her to call her own mother and father. For all she knew,
one of them might be dead without her ever having had a chance to talk to them again.
 Are you ready? Bryan tossed the shovel aside and faced her. The small pit at his feet was a couple
of feet deep and wide.
Sylvia nodded and stooped to place the box into the hole. When she rose, Bryan began the chant he d
sung at his grandfather s passing. He d explained to her what the words meant a wish for the deceased to
travel safely in the spirit world and find its destination. If Bryan felt a funeral for a rabbit was silly, he gave
no sign, treating with respect her desire to lay the animal to rest.
His rich baritone was as soothing as a caress. She half closed her eyes against the glare of the sun and
listened to the rise and fall of his song, as she prayed for all souls searching for their place in both this life
and whatever came next.
Afterward, Bryan filled in the hole and tamped down the earth. Together they placed a little pyre of
rocks on top of the grave to keep the coyotes out, and then Bryan slipped an arm around her waist.  Are
you doing okay out here?
 Good. She looked inside herself not a flutter of anxiety even though they were standing on a
hillside under the arching sky. With Bryan s arm around her, she felt sheltered. Perhaps her agoraphobia
had been brought on by Gary s treatment of her. She hadn t had a problem with it until she d gone into his
home. Plenty of other issues, yeah, but not that one. Maybe her pre-slavery panic attacks had less to do with
open space and more with anxiety in general, like the cutting. Gary s repeated reminders that she was safe
only with him and his use of those outdoor concerts as punishment had quickly reduced her to a quivering
mass of jelly at the very thought of going outside her comfort zone or outside, period.
Now she could stand with Bryan and gaze at the world around her without panic rising inside.
 It s a beautiful day, she added.
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Laura Bacchi and Bonnie Dee
Over the next couple of days, Sylvia found a routine while living with the Lapahies. She devoted
herself to the cleaning and cooking, while Naomi created pottery, Janice beaded and Bryan worked through
his fix-it list. She thought hard about her future and how she d like to spend it other than in Bryan s arms,
which was a given. Music had always been important in her life. It must somehow play a part in whatever
she did. She couldn t afford to return to college to finish her degree, but there were other music-related jobs
she could do, perhaps be a salesperson in a music store, a church organist or piano teacher. When she and
Bryan moved to the city, there would be opportunities like that. She could picture herself teaching children
piano. Spreading the joy of music could be very rewarding.
 Come with me. Bryan pulled her away from folding laundry one afternoon.  I want to take you
someplace.
Sylvia smiled. A midday quickie in any of the secluded spots they d found was always welcome. But
he led her to his truck.
 Oh, you mean really go somewhere like on a date. Where are we going?
He grinned, but refused to answer.  I hope you like it.
The truck bounced over the rough road in the direction she and Janice had taken to Tuba City, but
Bryan turned the opposite way when they reached the highway. A thrill of anticipation filled her at the
mystery.
 So, you and your mom are getting along better. She filled the silence.
He nodded.  A lot better. But I ll always& I ll never completely trust her, you know. I can t tell you
how many times I ve seen her get better then backslide over the years. To have your hopes built up then
dashed that often takes it out of you.
 I understand. With my parents, there are different issues, but I know how hard it is to let go of the [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]